the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
