she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
