Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
