Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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