I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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