new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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