he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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