I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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