He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
