just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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