Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
