I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
