He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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