shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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