I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
