Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
