She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
