my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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