i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
