I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
