I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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