I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
