Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
