Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
