I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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