your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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