I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish you could order shots online.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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