She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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