Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
