I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
last night I used snow as a chaser
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