Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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