I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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