It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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