In America we eat man semen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize