ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
