I am spending my child support on dildos
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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