omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
