The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
