and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
