I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
