I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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