You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
