Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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