As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
