You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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