I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
