I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
