life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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