Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
