Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
