I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
