Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
