stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
