She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i drank out of a bidet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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