Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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