Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
