i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
