I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Come on in and take your pants off
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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