Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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