everyone is single if you try hard enough
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
