she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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