he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
