I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
