It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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