when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
