Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
