this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
