Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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